A Different Path

On December 4, I ran an amazing "unofficial" half marathon in 2 hours and 5 minutes. It was my longest "long run" since I was able to resume my running after the marathon. 

It was not easy but it was pleasant, relaxing, rewarding, elating . . . I could go on and on.

I loved every minute.

I had an wonderful afternoon alone with my husband. We had family pictures made later with my parents and brothers. I was on cloud nine. Life was great and I was happy.

Then all that changed in an instant. 

I knew it before I was even sure. I think my heart knew something was wrong before my body or my head realized it; before it was confirmed. 

I spent a sleepless night sick with worry and endless thoughts of "what-ifs". It seemed like an eternity before I was able to get to the doctors office Monday morning and then had to wait for my ultrasound. 

I knew it before I saw, but seeing my little "Bean" lifeless on the screen, no precious heart-beating, no tiny movements, was what finally sent me over the edge and I gave into the grief. 

It's heart had quit beating about a week before.  

How did this happen? 

According to every statistic there was less than a 4% chance. I had no complications. My little "Bean" was in perfect condition at my previous ultrasound. It was moving. It had a STRONG heartbeat. 

I did everything in my power to provide the "perfect" environment for my growing baby. I ate the right foods. I eliminated anything remotely harmful. I was in excellent physical condition. 

There were no answers to my whys and my what-ifs? 

What followed was a lost week, a week where nothing mattered. 

I was in pain physically, emotionally I was distraught, mentally I was drained. I went through the motions. I floated through the days. I attempted to make sense of it all. I tried to get on with life as usual, but my heart was aching. 

I was surprised by how much love I felt for this baby that had been growing inside me. To some it was only a fetus but to me it was my baby. I had plans and dreams for this child. I loved it with all of my heart already. I could not wait to hold it my arms. Now that will never happen. 

I knew life would go on; it always does. I knew I would be ok. . .  eventually. But I had to pull myself together.  I had to deal with my grief. I had to cope with the loss. 

I am so thankful for all the love and support Shawn gave me that week and continues to give me. He not only held our life together by keeping up the daily routines when I could not, but he spent countless hours holding me, comforting me, doing anything he could to make me feel better emotionally and physically. 

By the end of the week I knew I wanted to continue on with my goal. 

To keep my commitment to run my 900 miles in 9 months.

It would just a different journey than the one I set out on in the beginning. 

It would now be a path of healing.

The secret is out!

We officially made the announcement with our Thanksgiving cards 

and by today pretty much everyone knows. 

Gunner and Paisley are thrilled! Or course, Lachlan has no clue yet.

 I have to admit it was fun mailing out the cards and

 then getting all the texts, phone calls and emails with everyone's reactions. 

It was also fun passing them out to our immediate family
and hearing them react. 

Gunn and Pais especially got a kick out of this! 

Turkey Day 5K

What better way to start a day of Thanksgiving feasting than running a 5K with my family!

The air was cool and still, but the sun was perfectly warm.

I got to run with Paisley this race while Shawn ran with Gunner and Grandma walked. Thankfully Lachlan got to stay home with Grandpa! The crowd was fun and full of encouraging people.

The only complaint was the course ended up being .3 of mile longer than a 5k! Normally I wouldn't mind this extra but when Gunn and Pais have been working so hard to perfectly  pace themselves for 3.1 miles and there is a surprise extra 3 tenths, it seems like an eternity for their little legs! 

However,  we all finished and finished well! 

I am thankful  to be healthy and to be able active with my family among many, many other things! 

Happy Thanksgiving!

Competitive vs. Fun

I finished my run today and I was majorly disappointed when I saw my time. It was a hard day. I felt sluggish and out of breath and like I was pushing myself every inch of the way.

When Shawn asked me how it was, I told him it was awful because I was too slow!  

To which he replied,

 " Why can't you just enjoy running? Just doing it? Why is it always a contest?"

That made me think.

I love running even on bad days.

 I don't want to lose the joy of running because I am constantly competing, albeit mostly with myself. 

I want to challenge myself and set goals 

but 

I never want to lose the joy I get from completing a run. 

I need to remember:

The important part is doing it and finishing. 

There will be bad days, great days and those in between 

but 

I need to enjoy all of them 

because that is why I run.

8 weeks

8 weeks into my journey

156.7 Miles Down

743.3 Miles To Go

Not too shabby of a start. I got to see my little bean for the first time on Monday. It was exciting and a relief to know everything was ok. It's little heart was just beating away. AMAZING!

 It is about the size of a raspberry

and growing about a millimeter a day. 

It has arms, hands and legs now. It has brainwaves. It can already get the hiccups and react to touch.

It completely fascinates me. I am growing this little person, even though I don't feel a thing yet. Other than being a little more tired and feeling slightly nauseous on a few occasions, I wouldn't even know there was anything different with  me. I am enjoying running now while I still feel "normal" but am also looking forward to  continuing my running when it is more challenging. I think it will be fun experience and it will keep me and my baby healthy!

The first mile . . .

IS ALWAYS THE HARDEST! 

No matter how long I  have been running, the first mile,
 the actually getting out the door

and getting started is always the hardest.

 It takes my body about a mile to settle into it's rhythm, 

for my pace to feel natural,

 for my muscles to become more fluid. 

It is not always easy, but after that first mile it is so worth it. 

I love 

the strength,

 the freedom, 

the relaxation 

I experience when I am running.

 I know it sounds crazy but it gets easier with each mile and sometimes it feels like it will be harder to stop running than it would be to just keep running and running. 

That is how today's run felt. 

It was finally sunny after 3 days of being rainy and overcast. It was a beautiful morning for a run and I didn't want it to end even though the beginning was hard.

Mayor's 5k Challenge

Today was the big race day for the Mayor's 5k Challenge. It was an awesome race and was even free! I wish there was a free race every weekend! There were over 4,000 participants and  about 20 of us from Road Runners.

This was Gunner's second 5k and he was pumped. He rocked it the entire way, not stopping once and finishing in 30 minutes and 20 seconds! There were quite a few hills and a couple of times he was struggling as we were running into the wind, up what seemed to be an endless hill, but he pushed through. I was honored to run beside him and was proud as his Mom and his coach.

This was Paisley's very first 5k and she had not run over 2.5 miles. Before the race began she alternated between apprehensive and excited but when we lined up in the corral she was determined! Shawn ran with her while pushing Lachlan( What a man!) and said she was beaming the entire 3.1 miles. She did not walk once! Many other runners cheered her on as they passes her or she passed them. One lady even told her, "You are my hero!" That made her day. I caught up with her at the 3 mile marker as she was climbing the last giant hill to the finish line and she instantly started smiling, ran over gave Gunner and me a high  five and tore off up the hill. Just as she was getting tired she saw a few of her teammates cheering her on at the finish line and she darted across with a time of 34 minutes and 55 seconds!  I was so impressed with her determination and proud of her accomplishment. I had told her she could walk if she needed to but that was not an option in her mind.

What a memorable 3.1 miles to add to my log!

"Light-nina's"

This morning at our homeschool running club, I had the privilege to run two miles with 3 splendid young ladies,two 6 year-olds and a 7 year-old. They are in the Lighting group but nicknames themselves

"Light-nina's". 

 I think it sounds like something out of Greek mythology. :o) 

Let me just tell you. 

You had better watch out for these girls in the future. 

They are fast and they are strong.

 I love their positive attitudes and seeing them enjoy working towards their goal. They are real go-getters! We finished 2 miles in 21 minutes and 4 seconds. Even more impressive when you consider they are all well under 4 feet tall!

I am so grateful to be able to share my passion for running with young girls and hopefully give them the tools they can use for the rest of their life to stay active and healthy!

Strong Start!

 November is off to a fantastic start!

 Right at 31 miles in 6 days!

 I have been able to run several times with G and P and two days with Shawn. L-man has enjoyed all the fresh air and natural beauty from his stroller. The weather has been beautiful and I am definitely taking advantage of it.

Cool, crisp fall mornings with quite a bit of fog. Breezy afternoons with a hint of chill in the air but warm sunshine on your face. Honestly every season has it's perks to running it but I think fall is one of my favorites. I love the weather and the smells.

I think I figured it out. . .

My run yesterday started out slow. . .  it was painful.

 I felt like I was hauling around 100 lbs of extra weight. 

I felt like I had lead in my shoes and someone had poured glue into my muscles. 

But after 2.5 miles, I started really focusing on the movement of my body, consciously relaxing, and thinking about all the training techniques I have learned. 

I could not believe my eyes when I looked at my Garmin and my pace was 8 minutes 20 seconds/mile.

 On top of that I felt great!

 It is is one of my goals to increase my pace and I want to do as much as I can before it is no longer physically possible. I felt like it was one of those breakthrough days, where a light bulb goes off and it all makes sense.

 I can't wait to test the waters on my 10 mile run tomorrow!

Two Birds With One Stone

I was super productive in my run today and on my way through downtown 

I stopped at the bank and made our deposit! Sure beat getting in the car and driving.

Hopefully I didn't smell too bad!

October Total

 76.8 miles down

823.2 miles to go before baby #4 arrives

This has been the first month I have buckled down and amped up my training along with getting pregnant. Talk about asking a lot of your body! However, it has been great! I have felt great, no morning sickness ( knock on wood) and I have stuck with my plan. 

Longest, Hardest, Slowest 5 miles

I am sure have may have worse runs a during this journey but tonight's run was the absolute worst run I have ever had. Thank goodness Gunner was running with me or I may have quit. However,  I completed all 5.5 miles. Honestly I have no idea what caused it to be so bad, but I got a side stitch half a mile into it and it got so bad I had a hard time breathing. It felt like my diaphragm had a charlie horse in it that would not release. It was so bad I was breathing all weird and making weird noises trying to push through the pain and Gunner kept looking at me asking "Are  you ok Mom? Do you need stop?" After a few minutes of the worst pain it eased up but continued to hurt throughout the entire run. I just felt off.
It was his first time to get to run through down town so he was thrilled and of course, thought he was big stuff. (Even I feel like big stuff when I run through downtown, over the pedestrian bridge and around the stadium.)

So even though it was a not good run, I can't call it a "bad run". It felt great to finish. I got an hour of exercise in. I spent quality time with Gunner and had some awesome conversations. And I got to be with him as he experienced his first downtown run.

shhhh. . . . Don't tell

I am so lucky to have great running partners. I love the friendships that form and the encouragement that come from having running friends. It can make a long run go so much faster by passing time with conversation and also just give you the motivation to get out there and do it.

I am having an extremely hard time keeping my pregnancy to myself. We decided to wait and tell our families when we are all together for Thanksgiving which means we also can't tell G and P until then. And I would feel guilty if I told friends before family so I having to keep my mouth shut.  There have been several runs where I just want to spill the beans to my running partner, because I am bursting with excitement. But, I am controlling myself and keeping my lips sealed.

The WHY . . .

My first thought when I see that second blue line come into view: 

Am I still going to be able to do the races I have planned?

After just getting back into training after a 16 week hiatus due to an injury, there is no way I am giving up my running. I do a little research and see there is absolutely no reason I need to stop training or cancel  my race plans (as long as my pregnancy remains uncomplicated.) It is actually good for me and my baby. I only need to make sure I get proper nutrition(That's no-brainer!), stay hydrated(Duh!) and don't overheat( Pretty easy too.) 

I am sure I will have to modify my pace 

as I get bigger 

and my blood volume increases,

 but what matters to me

 is 

being out there running. 

It is my sanity saver, my relaxation, a great start to my day or a perfect finish to my day, an emotional release,  my happy place.

It makes me feel strong and accomplished, happy and peaceful, energized and unstoppable, elated and invigorated.

I am sure I will be asked a hundred times by non-runners ( maybe, runners too) why on earth are you determined to run 900 miles while I am pregnant.. .  and this is why.